July 15 , 2007
Productivity Tips Newsletter
Performance Tip: “Win Win”? Watch out for the trap
Be skeptical of the “Win Win”, hype you hear from inexperienced training companies and facilitators.
“Win Win” is the standard buzzword you hear from those inexperienced negotiators who have never been a party to intense negotiations. In fact the myth of this ideal “win win” world is so prevalent there are people advocating that keeping score and winning is bad for our society because someone has to loose. Winning is not the issue. The issue is, should you even play the game. This is especially true in business where not knowing the personality type of your adversary will be detrimental.
The reality is you are never going to get a “win win” outcome in any negotiation or conflict when you deal with a passive aggressive personality type. The passive aggressive is programmed so they must never loose. Since that is the case you need to develop a plan to walk away.
If there is any hope for compromise the passive aggressive must make the first move to compromise. If not you will loose. They must feel it was their idea to continue not yours. That means they have ascertained value in continuing the dialogue even if it means a new set of rules. No perceived value on their part, then no new rules and you walk away.
The first step in the plan is to recognize what characteristics make up the passive aggressive personality type. Review the checklist below for some clues.
The second step is to plant you feet firmly on the ground and refuse to allow the aggressive behavior to continue. You accomplish this by agreeing to disagree until new rules for engagement are discussed and agreed upon. Here is a checklist of assertive characteristics that are acceptable in negotiations and conflict resolution
None of this can ever work till you have built up your need for approval mindset to the point that “no” is an acceptable outcome. If you stick to “win win” outcomes with an aggressive personality type, they win you loose even if you think it was “win win”.
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